Hopefully Part 1 didn’t scare you off. It was not meant with
a spirit of criticism but rather I am just processing a lesson I’m going
through right now! It all started on the eve of my birthday this year. I turned
25. Besides all the other trite things I could say about turning 25, one thing
I wanted to know of myself is, WHAT DO I WANT TO DO DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR? So
here goes, this is what I’ve been pondering.
Lately, I've been going through a phase involving just the quieting down
of my own voice and passions, and opening myself up to a ‘download’ from God.
One of the greatest ways of doing this has been through prayer and worship
(‘DUH’, is what some of you might be saying!), and it’s been a blessing to be
doing life with a bunch of people that also have a similar heart for radical
breakthrough through prayer and worship! On one of the nights recently when we
were gathered together to do just that, I had a bit of a shake-up.
Here I was, completely looking forward to a night of just
resting and soaking up some time with God, and instead as things progressed I
was increasingly restless and dissatisfied. The image of a lady who was roaming
and sleeping on the streets of Humble kept coming to mind, and I felt so
hypocritical for sitting there, signing songs about having ‘a fire burn within’
and ‘being filled’ and ‘loving God’ when just 1 block away I knew a woman was
sleeping on the streets. I started questioning: is this really all this is
going to add up to? Do we sit here and just pray and worship for a few hours,
hoping for some revelation of GOD and His presence, and then go home? Is this
really the kind of prayer and worship God wants from us? What are we about
here? And it all started feeling quite selfish and empty.
And yet, I knew that prayer and worship have to be the
foundation of all things we do, right?
But the image of this woman and her need were not leaving
me, so I set out to do something about it.
Well fast-forward a few hours, and I was in my car, driving
home. For a variety of reasons, the woman had not been helped, and I was going
back to the comfort of my own bed. Why I was feeling all this sudden discomfort
and need to help kept nagging me, well into the next day. And I realized a few
things, one of them being that it was simply time to move on into the next
phase. And it has truly made me wonder what I have been about, and how that fits into God building His Kingdom!
Now, in light of all I’ve said previously about us missing
out on the message of the Kingdom and how to let that flow through us, maybe
I’m the one missing something, maybe I’m the one who’s not right with God. I
don’t know. What I do know is, that if the aforementioned is what the Church is, is that is
what Christianity amounts to, it greatly saddens and disillusions me. I’m not
seeing the Jesus I know and love growing in me, or in those around me as I
believe He can and should.
I no longer want to serve me, or my plans, my desires, my
wants and needs. I don't want to pump myself full of self-made morality. I don’t want to serve God so I can gain something from Him. I
don’t want to be stuck. I want my soul to be awakened once more, with a
beautiful passion for Him! I don’t want to be crippled by fear or the ‘rules’
of the Church!
Some might call this rebellious, but I’m pretty sure that if
this is rebellion, Jesus was the greatest rebel of them all!
So I’ve decided to take a journey. No, not necessarily to
some far-off place (though that does sound heavenly). No, I’m taking a journey,
into find Abundant Life in Jesus, just as the disciples did.
You see, Jesus is the shepherd, and we are the sheep. But a
good shepherd doesn’t leave his sheep caught up in pen, does he? No, he takes
them out so they can go munch on some wonderful grass, so they can wander the
hills and rocky crags, so they can get some muscle, some fresh air, and some
wonderfully nourishing food. Yes, there will likely be some dangers involved in
this, but the shepherd knows that if left in the pen, his sheep will surely
grow sick and die. And he knows he can watch over his sheep and take care of
them outside of the pen, because that’s what he’s there for!
Jesus did much the same with his first ‘sheep’. He called
his disciples, but he didn’t take them off to rabbi school in some building in
a secluded spot for 4 year. No, they were out on the ‘field’ with him straight
away. And as they journeyed together, they learned. Yes, He would teach them in
private and pray with them, but all this while journeying to serve and bring
healing to many others!
And although the disciples did stumble, and yes even fell,
they learned, and grew, and were healed and transformed. They learned how to
find that Abundant Life in Christ!
Isaiah 57 & 58 speak of much the same principle. The
Israelites had given in to following their own desires and idols, again and
again. They feared their idols instead of God, and thus were captives to their
own lifestyles. Ever felt that way? Captive to this life and it seemingly
insatiable desires? I certainly have. In the story, God chooses to give them
another chance, another chance to be set free, to be restored, to be filled
with courage and strength once again. Another chance to be healed, from all the
hurt and shame they were surely filled with after dealing with the harshness of
life.
But the way to gain healing, was not through traditional
forms of worship, such as come to the Temple every day, and fasting for days.
No, he says, “Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of
those who work for you. Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that
bind people. Bring your food to the
hungry, and bring the poor that are cast out into your houses. When you see the
naked, cover them, and do not hide yourself from your relatives.” (To be really honest, these actions are not half as 'second-nature' as I once thought they were).
His promise? That doing this will bring SALVATION and
HEALING, that then their righteousness will go before them, and the glory of
the Lord will be their reward.
We are a Church entirely too focused on ourselves, on our own
healing and self-made righteousness. And we choose to find those things be stuffing
ourselves into buildings, receiving our ‘self-help’ messages, and protecting
ourselves from the ‘wicked’ world out there (though partaking of it whenever we
wish). We are sheep willingly keeping ourselves locked up in our pens, grow
sick, unhealthily fat, and gross. We fear the world, nag each other to bits,
and constantly pick at our festering wounds as we sit, unmoving in our pens.
Perhaps, if we chose to find healing and restoration the way
that God asks us to, we might actually find it, once and for all!! So, that’s
the journey I’ve decided to take. I’m going find that healing, that completely
and abundant life, by doing exactly what God says to do, by following Jesus out
in the world out there, by grazing the fields with my shepherd and mounting the
rocky crags with Him. I’m going to try to live life ‘out there’, serving others,
loving those God wants me to love. Like the disciples, I’ll watch and learn as
Jesus leads me to feed others, bring healing, bring the Good News, how to serve
Him, how to pray in all things and so on. And I’ll do it, and gain freedom and
life, by being out there on a journey with my shepherd.
A common argument here is often, “But I’m not ready yet.
It’s okay for others to reach out the so and so, but I still have to deal with
stuff in past, and that situation or person hits too close to my past.” I
propose to you, that perhaps if we reach out, especially in situations and to
persons that remind us of our past, we might actually gain fresh insight, and
gain healing by replacing unforgiveness and pain with love and hands of
healing? (I am not in this case, speaking of situations that might lead you
into temptation in areas you have a weakness in).
Jesus says he is the Fountain of Life, through and out of
whom living waters flow. If I’m filled with His water, to overflowing, I’m
determined to give that water away. Because if I just take a bit of His water,
fill my glass, just happy that I’ve gotten a bit, I’ve missed the point. That
water won’t stay fresh and will stagnate and grow all manner of nasty things,
if it doesn’t continue flowing. We have to be willing to let the RIVER OF LIFE
FLOW through us, constantly. As we are filled, with give away, and are filled
once again with fresh, pure water.
I don’t want to be afraid anymore, I don’t want to get stuck
on me, I want to find release and freedom by moving with Christ and letting His
love move in and through me! And I am desperate for others to find that same
freedom and release. Won’t you join me in this journey? I believe living life
for others has healing and forgiveness in its wings!! I’m giving God a heart of
love and service, and laying down a mind filled with myself: my own plans and
strategies, my own righteousness, my own ‘healing’, my own fears and desires.
Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the
desires of your heart.
May your Kingdom come Lord, within me, within each us. May
we truly learn to live your freedom Christ, and your newness of Life. I lay down
my own conception of ‘Kingdom’ Lord, knowing that you came not to establish a
physical throne and Kingdom in this world, but one that begins in the Spirit
and will manifest itself in the new Heaven and Earth you have destined us for
in eternity.
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